Good intent

• December 12, 2007

There is this Indian uncle (not related to me) who lives in Delaware. He’s been here in America for over 20 years (he’s about 58 years old), but he is def on the lower economic level of things. He’s also a little slow, not mentally retarded but def slow enough that it effects his comprehension of things. Why I mention this is is that he often finds himself needing help in many situations. Rides to work, to the airport (when he goes to India in the wintwe), moving, picking up family and other ocassional trips out of town. He doesn’t have a car and public transit in this area is pretty bad. Also, his english is still choppy. I first met him college. He lived a few buildings over from me and my roomate (mihir). Since we met, I’ve been the primary person helping him with his stuff. And trust me, it felt good at first to help him, but after awhile it didn’t. In fact I’d be lying if I said I hand contemplated cutting him off a few times. Where the mixed feelings come in are as follows: 1) Surprises: Whenen I help him there are often surprises - Like right now I’m dropping him off to airport and he wants me to stick around for 2 hours till he boards. I don’t know why and I tried explain that he’ll be fine, but he wants me to help him get some bags on board that he thinks he wouldn’t be able to get on the plane because of the weight limit. It isn’t going to work, but he’s not really listening. Once I helped him move out of his studio apartment and it was the most complicated move ever. Instead of packing his stuff in boxes, he left it out and rented the biggest Uhal truck he could. We loaded that bad boy fully twice. What would have been a 2 hour move turned into a full day endevour. He has a way of doing things and it does make stuff hard / confusing to execute. 2) Ungreatfulness / Unhappiness: I’m not looking for ‘thank yous’. But when someone is just upset about life as a whole, and you’re trying to help them, that’s a bummer. I could care-less if he said thank you to me, but because I often find him depressed, I do honestly feel like I’m helping the wrong person. He may need help, but does my help and the presence I bring really do anything for him beyond the situation? This isn’t a complaint post. Instead what I’m doing is talking out the challenges of good intentions. I’ll admint that if this gentlemen wasn’t Indian, I’d probably have told him I can’t help him as much as I do. And also, if he wasn’t my fathers age (58) I also would less inclined to help him, especially with big ticket items. I’ll also admit that when I see him and how unconciously he goes about life, I feel sorry. And when you feel sorry you also tend to help others out of guilt more than anything. When I recognize I’m opperating out of guilt I focus on compassion, but because I have conditioning built up in this area, I don’t end up doing anything differently. I’m not looking to come to any conclusions here, rather, I’m just honestly adressing an area that I previously felt guilty about talking out loud. Even after typing this out (on my blackberry), I feel better and more present. And I also know that the more I stay this way the less I’ll get myself into “situations”. If I can help him and feel good about I will. If I can’t and feel it is too much trouble I’ll say so. Nothing else really do to. Dhrumil